ROBOTS WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!!!!!

AND THEY WON'T BE BUILT BY AMERICANS, SO YOU KNOW THEY'LL WORK!!!!!!

Robots will change the world, according to the latest issue of Scientific Visions. Here are some of the things robots will be able to do by the year 2020:

1. The ability to fill in all of your unemployment forms in triplicate without the urge to burn the place to the ground.


2. X-ray vision that will allow man to see through the phoniness of political attack ads and vote for intelligent people.


3. Extra warm center for heating up coffee and drinks on cold winter days.


4. Dance moves for the ladies, so that you don't have to impress anybody anymore.


5. Intelligent design that will make a mockery of intelligent design.

So, as you can see, robots are going to make our lives easier if we can get the funding from the science- hating government. Please write your local congressman or woman and tell them to support the new Robot Stimulus Bill. You'll be glad you did, and the robots will too.

We're back from Science Rehab Facility!!!!

You'll never guess who we shared a quadrant with for the last 90 days!! That's our team after our successful completion of the program.

Greetings, BPFers! We are back home after spending a hellish journey through scientific rehab where we were forced to abandon logic and reasoning and live in the moment as long as that moment had a lab and hypothesis built into the formula. Our daily itinerant included a breakfast of space food sticks and tang followed by an exercise capsule like the one Woody Allen used in Sleeper. We would then man a technological potential chamber and rake the yard with other prominent scientific minds. Yeah, a big brained cartoon character and his rodent assistant were the comic relief when it came time for group therapy pods, and our afternoons were filled with labor-intensive tasks since most of us are as soft as a government grant for research. Evenings included meals made from hallogram crackers, chocolate flavored memory chips, and whatever slop the cook who failed every science class in high school could foist upon our quadrant. It was bed time at 9 pm or lights presently occupied time where we would rest in our sleep tubes like Harlan Ellison wrote about in one of his books. We are glad to be back at BPF and hope to engage frontal lobe peek activity in the near future. By the way BPFers, the room mate was a famous robot from an old TV series who kept having night terrors where he would mumble something about a Will Robinson. Hope, you never have to go to one of these places, it is a serious life generating subsider.

Knowledge not as powerful as you might think!

Research counterindicative of centuries old theory!!!

Picture on right now seen as delusional mind set by Knowledge!!!!

Knowledge may be power to some, but many in the field of information debunkery are saying it isn't as powerful as innuendo, heresay, and blackmail. Knowledge used to hold the number one slot when it came to power wielding, but now must take a backseat to the aforementioned trio and soon will drop as far a sixth place on the power rankings if deceit and skullduggery can ever get their acts together. Dr. Cedric J. Squats of the Institute of Information Collection, has released a report called Knowledge and Power: Time Events and Order Reasoning in the Balance of Knowing and Yielding Influence From Brain Patterns in Community Logis Despartie. The last part of the title was tagged on at the last minute and has no meaning whatsoever. The findings of the report are that knowledge has shrunk to the point of barely existing in some power brokers of the world. replaced instead by an ability to make up a lot of hooey about competition and industry. The report, which comes out in the Spring edition of The Journal for Things That Don't Effect Our Lives One Way or the Other, runs against the logic your father kept telling you when you were in high school to persuade you to get off your ass and out of the house. BPF will follow up on this report should we see any correlation between this and the price of tea in China.

Science can be fun if you have explosives: A BPF Factoid

Most agree that blowing up things makes science fun and informative

Brain Pan Full Factoid: According to a research study done by the Department Of Research Knowledge Studies or DORKS, 68% of Americans learn more about science when items are disintegrated, pulverized or blown into smithereens, and 89% of Americans indicated that explosions make scientific information fun. Many sited combustability as the number one quality of future scientific fun and a small number of participants or 10% of the total poll said that they " didn't know what this has to do with that or anything else in the world of science".

Thanks, DORKS for another Brain Pan Full Factoid. You really know how to study research!!!

Brain Pandemics- These things will come true in 2010!

Anonymous Coward Predicts Cataclysmic Events in New Year!!!

1. New show combining old whores and old testament thinking debuts on ABC-Intelligent Designing Women!!!!

2.HGTV and FOX News will collaborate on Home School Improvement series entitled Intelligent Design on A Dime!!!!

3.Ben Stein changes cadence in delivery, causes tear in fabric of universe!!!!

4. Scientists base all decisions on biblical readings and artifacts found in 2,000 year old Sunday school class!!!! Did Construction Paper Projects exist prior to pre-school crafts?

5. Jon and Kate Plus 8 Equals Nobody Cares Anymore Formula Proven true by Howard University Professors

6. Cheeseball rolls over Omaha raising cholesterol of Nebraska by 100 points!!!!

7. Student texts another student during class, gets prize for one millionth text of year, winning bounty includes GED test, job at Walmart, and unwanted pregnancy!!!!

8. Man survives another year on planet despite attempts to destroy civilization for 2,010th year in a row!!! Better luck next year, sport!

9. Downloadable music actually not worth downloading according to Julliard School of Music Professor and 14 year old girl in Skokie, Illinois.

10. Year ends on same day as last one, correlation studies begin in earnest!!!!

Your World is Made of Science!

And Science is Made of Your World!!!

The things we take for granted in our everyday world were provided by our old pal, Science. Take that garbage disposal you just used to get rid of the last of the methamphetamine product. It's the marriage of technology and good old fashioned know how.

The telephone you use to talk to the kids at school is one more example of Science making up your world. Electricity is best explained by Science and only Science.

Have you ever wondered what makes that noise inside your head or forces the Westinghouse freezer compartment to emit a high frequency message about the Galactians taking over your body and turning all dogs into trees? Neither have we, no my little friend, neither have we.

So the next time your stumped for a reason why up is down or right is wrong, try to remember that Your World is Made of Science!

Brain Pandemics: Stop these thoughts from becoming reality!!!!

These Thoughts Have a Mind Of Their Own!!!

Here is your list of Brain Pandemics for the week of 10/12/09:

1. Anything with Larry King, especially his CNN talk show, the last vestiges of a radio presence, and that column in USA Today. Why can't we stop this media monster from infiltrating our households?

2. Chia Obama- It was a harmless race joke meant to simply exploit the first black president for a quick Walgreen buck while simultaneously keeping hope alive. Can it be stopped, dear God in heaven, can it be stopped!

3. Videos of Cats Playing Piano or some other craptastic waste of time. It was a lark that became a fad that became a million hits on You Tube and another sign that the Apocalypse is about to move in to the house next door and complain about the noise level at your next barbecue.

4. Reality Shows That Resurrect the Deservedly Dead Careers of Long-Forgotten Celebrities- Dustin Diamond, Scott Baio, Any former member of Motley Crue. Come on, what type of world entertains less entertaining ideas? These shows are more damaging to your eyes than staring directly at an eclipse of the sun.

5. The Hills- At least give them eyes and a creepy horror theme so that we know to stay away from this fright fest of the forever brain dead.

These are the trends, the thoughts, the ideas that are declared highest level brain pandemic for this week